Safety Travel Tips for the Paranoid Kind

My daytime job requires me to travel pretty heavily in the Spring & Fall; which to be quite honest was glam for a whole three seconds. I’ll spare you the details on the one hundred and nineteen reasons why I have grown to dislike business travel but for purposes of today’s post you get to hear about reason one hundred and twenty-SAFETY!

I’d think you all agree, as a woman traveling alone, safety should be of the up most importance. Over the years though I’ve started to question whether I’m an extremely savvy traveler or just a flat out paranoid schizophrenic {the fact that I can spell “schizophrenic” with out spell check should bear no effect on the answer to that question}. I blame my paranoia on Dateline and for reading one, two, many true crime books as a youngen. Some of you may recall the incident a few years ago when a man was arrested for taking video of ESPN reporter and Dancing with the Star’s contestant, Erin Andrews, through a hotel wall and peephole. Well, just imagine what that did to my mental state of mind?  So, if you’re anything like me and always fearing the Big Bad Wolf then you’ll appreciate my list of “Travel Safety Tips for The Paranoid Kind”. 

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1. Always lock your doors when traveling through unfamiliar or bad looking neighborhoods, then check and recheck the locks at least a dozen times within a sixty second time period.

2.When pulling over for gas make sure to send at least three texts to your significant other, parent, or friend; or heck, text all three of them. Text to let them know the name of the exit you pulled off on, the gas station you pulled over at, and the physical description of everyone present at the station at that time; including the Charles Manson looking dude. I promise your loved ones will roll their eyes love your constant updates.

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4. When booking a room at a hotel always request to be placed on the second floor; it’s harder for creepers to break in through a second floor window. When arriving to your second floor room, freak out when you realize you’re the only person booked on that floor and then demand they place you on the first floor- because after all if you’re screaming for help how will anyone hear you from the second floor??!

5. When walking to your hotel room always do what I like to call a “half-walk,half-run” down the hallway and quickly slam the door behind you so the boogie man can’t sneak in.

6. Once you enter your hotel room, place the desk chair against the door. I’m not convinced a dead lock, a door lock, and a chair will always keep trouble out so why not just move that ugly hotel couch in front of the door while you’re at it?

7. Always check under the beds, inside closets, and behind curtains; then recheck again because it’s easy to miss something in the room the size of an oven.
    

8. If you happen to notice your room is adjoined to another room with a shared door, proceed to your front door, move couch, move desk chair, unlock deadbolt, turn the other lock and proceed to the front desk where you demand to me moved to another room, again.

9.And finally, once you do settle into a hotel room, please, please make sure to sleep with every light and lamp on in the room. Also, if you’re blind like me with out the assistance of eye wear then sleep the whole night with your glasses on or your contacts in. The last thing you want is to be startled in the middle of the night and not know where the hell you are or if that big, blobby shadow is the Big Bad Wolf or just the TV.

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So there you have it; my safety tips. Safe travels my friend.

 Disclaimer: I am not a expert within the field of travel. I am, however, an expert at being paranoid and all opinions expressed here are of my own and do not represent the opinions of most sane people.